Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
