He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
