also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
