At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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