i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
