I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
