The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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