Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
