went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
