This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
