I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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