fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Never underestimate the power of titties
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