where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Two words: nipple clamps
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