She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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