I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
