Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
