I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
