I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
