watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
