You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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