i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
