he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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