That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
