Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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