where am i from again
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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