I am in a vortex of obligation.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
