I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
