hell yes lets make some ravioli
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
