sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
