the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
