i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
True strength comes from lack of pants
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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