I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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