I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
