so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
