Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
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