I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
