Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you didnt know i had herpes?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
