I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
