Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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