Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
