do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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