Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
