a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
