My room smells like vodka and shame
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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