Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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