i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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