Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
