He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
