Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
