it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
