Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
