only if we run a train.
done.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
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