census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
