he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
