My sheets look like a crime scene.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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