I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
