Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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